signal frequencies

 </> occupying this frequency is weird. its very difficult to be so disconnected from society while connecting them via an online tool youre trying to make. there were many turns that i could have taken that would have gotten me, ruined me. i know why i am here. i know why i am here alone. its impossible for me to connect to people anymore. its impossible to maintain conversations. i am so within myself that i see others in a wholly different light. i am so intrigued by my inadequacies, what's wrong with me, im a failure. these types of feelings have been examined at such a degree that i now understand what lays underneath the surface. the point, the thing that money cant buy. the thing that relationships do not see. the way in which our body and minds are linked. the things we feel, the doubts, the questions, the self belief or lack there of . for me, there's no choice. fate/reality did not give me the ability to work a regular 9-5, nor does my moral constitution for that matter. but i am feeling like it is getting easier, i am gaining clarity. i am realizing that i will have to take the lead here and get to the summit alone. when its dark, cold, alone. i think that it is interesting because it feels like the last few months were a few days. there has been no progress from the outside, but the most consequential in my entire life from the inside. my life trajectory, my skills, the gifts i have, the calling for my place in society, have all been manufactured. developed and rooted out in real time. in the middle of nowhere. i have become something out of necessity. it is bizarre but it makes too much sense. i dont even care about succeeding anymore. i am more intrigued about this meditative state i have transitioned to. and i know what it is. by shutting every one out i have started to grow at an exponential rate. like, all those people in my life were such heavy anchors that it made this type of movement impossible. like rock lee when he drops the weights. at the age of twenty six, i am starting to see myself so clearly that it is becoming a little disconcerting,.